Infidelity or intimate betrayal, the pain is still the same.
Infidelity or intimate betrayal, extramarital affairs, call it what you like, the pain is still the same – unbearable.
“How will I ever trust him again.”? “How could she do that to me”? “I just never saw it coming.”
The normal response is either fight or flight, to hit back or walk away. There is no right or wrong, evrybodys reaction is different. Has this happened before? How long has this been going on for? Was it an emotional affair or a physical affair? Whatever the answer, you feel betrayed, the bond or connection you had has been shattered.
Marital highs and lows
Every marriage goes through a rough patch from time to time, it’s what keeps the relationship interesting. Problems arise when one partner goes outside the relationship for advice or to satisfy a physical need. At this stage of the relationship things have normally started to drift apart. Become disconnected.
“But it was only one time, it was a stupid mistake, I don’t love her”
Sometimes there is no coming back. But there are also times when couples do work through their issues and move on to be stronger than ever before.
There are many issues that can lead to a partner seeking to have a need met outside of the relationship. This doesn’t in anyway justify their actions, as hard as it may seem the betrayed partner most likely had a part to play in this. How’s that you may ask? Life happens. Financial pressures, overworking, lack of intimacy, leading parallel lives, outside influences from friends or family, the list is endless. The truth of the matter is you need to communicate more and never stop working on keeping the marriage interesting.
“He should have seen the signs, I’ve been unhappy for a long time.” “I’ve been telling her for ages now, she just doesn’t listen.”
Relationships are affected at any stage
Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 6 months or 20 years the same issues arise and the same solutions apply. Being able to communicate, speaking the language your partner understands, maintain the ‘we’ not ‘you’ and ‘I’ and keep the relationship growing.
Like to know more about intimate betrayal and how to work through this complex issue? Whether you’re the one who sought a relationship outside the marriage or the one who was impacted by the affair there is a way forward. It’s not always the end.
If retaliation and blame are your default at this time, it’s time to seek help. You can assume a victim identity for only so long then it starts to affect you physically and emotionally. We work on turning that around to a more productive and energising healing identity. The shift is empowering. You are a person of value, you are capable and worthy of loving and being loved.
To find out more about this process don’t wait, give me a call.