Marriage guidance in Perth

 In Blog Articles, marriage counselling

Marriage guidance in Perth

Marriage guidance in Perth or any other parts of Australia for that matter is fundamentally the same, notwithstanding cultural differences. Firstly, we need to establish what lead you to where you are now, then we talk about how you’d like your relationship to actually turn out in the future.

“I had no idea this was coming, how is it one week everything is fine and the next she’s out the door, it doesn’t make sense”

“He just doesn’t listen to me. Because he doesn’t listen, I keep going on, then he says I keep nagging, I can’t win.”

“She says she loves me but she’s not in love with me.”

Do they sound familiar?

The statements above can be common to many marriages that are experiencing problems. Sometimes these issues have surfaced before in  previous relationships and the patterns are repeating, it could even be you’ve just developed bad habits. You may have even seen your parents act out these roles  as a child growing up.

Like it or not your parents had a big influence on how you are today, and how you relate to your partner.  If your childhood was filled with painful memories of constant fighting or abuse you may subconsciously model this behaviour or choose to move in the opposite direction.  not wishing to copy these destructive patterns.

Challenge those old ways of managing fights

Deciding to challenge the old patterns of behaviour which are causing you pain and frustration in your marriage and having the strength to seek guidance takes courage. The first part of any healing is recognising that you need some help. If you’re prepared to challenge some of those old ways and really embrace change then a more enjoyable and compassionate relationship is certainly possible.

Relationship issues vary

Managing conflict will always be a big issue. In my experience, problems with a controlling partner are far more common than trying to manage arguments, both are equally destructive. One partner, unable or unwilling to accept influence from the other, tries to control or oppress the other. This leads to an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship. “How can I change what’s always been, it’s part of who I am”? The answer is – over time!

One couple I worked with, Greg and Sue, had a similar issue. Sue was a CEO of a large multi-national, was well respected and had a high social status. Sue exudes  confidence, and is very results driven. Her husband John, on the other hand feels he  isn’t as high on the social ladder as Sue. John also feels over shadowed by his wife’s achievements and her somewhat controlling nature. His feelings of unworthiness and also feelings of emasculation played heavily on his mind.  Over time we worked on creating a stronger sense of worth within John by acknowleding and validating wherever possible. Sue spent more time at home, less at the office and managed to leave her work personality at work.

Most people want a quick fix, “I want it straight away” or,” how soon can we turn this around”.  You’ll normally only get one good opportunity to make this work, so don’t be too eager.

Quick change is short lived.

Change takes time, if it doesn’t it’s often short lived. To have personal growth and clarity involves having some wins but also accepting there will be losses. Marriage guidance should focus on education. Concentrating on areas of concern, seeing or listening how you interact or communicate is a vital part of moving the relationship forward.  We work on reaI issues. I may listen to you argue, under controlled circumstances of course and also listen to how you treat and speak to one another in everyday conversation..

I provide a very supportive service with ongoing support. If you’d like to find out more please contact me.

Yours in a healthy relationship,

Dave Crispin

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love”